Anomaly

School has started and I've only been to two subjects so far - both last week's and today's class was cancelled. But shit, man, have I been busy. 200 sketches due over the span of a weekend, ten page of a visual journal due on Thursdays, lots of prepping for my trip to China this spring break - yessss international education!

What has that meant for me? A cut-down on masturbating. I just get too damn tired. No time in the mornings (8am classes cause me to want to sleep in as much as possible) and at night I try to get started but just can't get my own blood moving. I think about masturbating at work, but I feel guilty, so I haven't yet. I used to do it semi-regularly at my old job... just a quick trip to the bathroom on lunch break. But here, I'm the only worker and I'd have to lock the door and everything. It seems mighty selfish just for some jollies.

Boy time has also been halved. Schoolwork has meant that our short spurt of going boxing nightly has ended, and the last time I saw him was Friday afternoon. I watched him play the new Star Wars game (which looks pretty beautiful) and he'd rub my back or stroke my chin. It really just made me melt. And no, I'm not talking about arousal (okay, some I am) I just felt instantly calm and peaceful and warm. His hands on my back, his fingers bending to the curves of my neck, it was instantly pacifying and purely amazing. The artifical light on his face, and the way the spheres of his pupils cast shadows on the irises, the texture of his face, the scruff on his chin. I could stay all day like that, looking at him. (I drew a portrait of him a week or so ago, and it took me forever because I just stared at his face.)

We had a bit of loving, after the Xbox was turned off. His hands on my calves, his arms bending around my legs, his balls slapping my ass, his cock twitching within me. I could stay like that all the time, too.

He said that boxing has been tiring him out. I know that stress with money, life, and school cuts down the libido, but I feel weird about the fact that his desire has changed in the past few months. Weird because I am the opposite. I want to kiss him when I'm happy, sad, and angry. Every emotion makes me quiver and I just want to touch him and make warmth between us. Being tired makes me fantasize slow and steady, feeling every muscle and drop of sweat. Normal happiness makes me want it on the kitchen counter and in the pool, in an alley way down the street. Frustration and desperation, please tie me up and fuck me, pull on my hair and smack my ass.

I think I'm an anomaly. It's not really a bother, though. I think about these things all the time anyway, whether or not they happen, and whether or not he pokes fun at me for being this way. Compromise happens somewhere.