Ninja and I had another go at anal some time ago.
It failed.
He was on top, the covers over the both of us, my legs wrapped up all around him, and I was enjoying the after-shower lovemaking. He pressed his fingers against my asshole, and asked me if I wanted to try again. After a quick deep breath, I said okay and closed my eyes, relaxing.. relaxing...
It hurt a little, but not terribly. So I don't know why, but I just basically burst into tears and tensed up like a brick. I don't even know how much of him I took in, but I couldn't let him continue.
This bothers me immensely, and it just makes me even more nervous all around. Why do I have some mental road block? It turns me on, and I want to do it. I've fantasized about it. I've tried to prepare myself. I'm pretty sure it will be really awesome. I want to do it for myself, and I want to give Ninja what he desires. All I have are wants and reasons, but no results! I just screw it up.
Ninja, then, withdrew himself and worked some fancy magic to make me forget the fear, and we continued on with our lovemaking 'til... well... 'til it had to end.
I just want it to work! I know it won't hurt, I know we're prepared... I don't understand it.
But I'll be starting my period soon, so we may have another go at it while my vagina is out of commission. Also, Architect is out for the weekend, so maybe we can have a bit more experimental fun!
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3 comments:
Hi Taste and Touch
I don't know if I can help here, but I thought that you might be interested to hear some thoughts about anal sex based on my experience.
The first and biggest issue - I think - is that anal is just not the same thing as vaginal sex. Having read all of you posts about it, my impression is that you and Ninja expect that it should be.
My experience (as a guy) is that it's not interchangeable. It may be for some people, but I get the impression that it takes real time and effort (to learn about your own and each others bodies and to develop the required trust) for it to get that way.
Trust is hugely important. Trust that your partner won't hurt you, trust that you won't get tense, trust it can feel good. All of that takes time and experience to achieve.
Have you ever heard of Tristan Taormino? She is big in the world of anal education. I happened across this video by her recently that you may find interesting:
http://www.pornoxo.com/videos/793/tristan-taormino-guide-to-anal-sex.html
Anyway, my personal experience is that most women much prefer anal play (touching with finger, licking etc) to actual anal sex, which is a lot rougher and much harder to do gently. It is really easy to sense resistance, or pain when stimulating a partner's anus with a finger, than it is with a penis. Infact it's near impossible with a penis (it is the ultimate blunt instrument in this regard).
I try to use anal stimulation as just one more thing to give pleasure to my partner, not as a goal in and of itself. Most often I will go down on my partner and at the same time use one finger (liberally pre-moistened with pussy juice) play with her anus to tease and arouse her further and help to make her orgasm, just as I would use a would play with her vagina in the same circumstance.
Heaps of lube is really, really important for anal play to be enjoyable, for anal sex it's even more so.
Here's a question for you: have you ever played with Ninja's anus while giving him head? Some guys may not like it, but for most it's mind blowing. It may also help you to learn about the whole thing (and give Ninja some insight into what it's like, and can be like for you).
If your feeling cheeky try this next time you are giving Ninja a blow job: get yourself nice and wet, with a free hand get your middle finger covered in pussy juice, then very gently just stroke his anus with your finger tip. Don't even try to do more than that, just play. If he is into it I expect that it will probably make him cum in about ten seconds flat. Either way, keep your finger really wet (pussy juice is the very best thing for the job, but lube will do too).
If it works out, try asking Ninja to do the same for you. It is (to my mind), the best way to start out with anal. Really slow. Make it part of normal sex and work your way up. That's the best way to get past the mental road block.
Well, hope that gives you some ideas and helps a little. Your blog is an interesting read, thanks for taking the time and effort.
Thank you so much for the advice! I'm familliar with some of your tactics, but I know you're right that expectations play their part. Isn't there some saying that the most important sexual organ is the brain? While mine is plenty active, I know I just need to relax.
I haven't tried any anal play on Ninja, and while I've thought about it I haven't asked him about it either. I feel reinvigored by your notes though... I really have to get the ball rolling and try it out on him!
Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate the feedback!
Hi T&T, glad you found that info useful. I hope that it helps and am looking forward to hearing about the results.
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