Body Image

Last night we went to bed together for the first time in ages -- usually Ninja stays up late doing his thing. I always cherish these things, these little things you don't share with anyone else. So I think fondly of them when they happen.

We have a clock in our bedroom, and its numbers are large, bright, and blue. They kind of light up our room a bit. I undressed near it, and Ninja commented "You have a bangin' body."

I blushed; always nice to hear comments. And then I ruined it by saying it was only because it was dark. I don't believe he said anything; I didn't expect him to. I'm rather glad he didn't and that we just snuggled in bed and I put my head in his armpit, my leg over his and we laughed and talked about silly things like the pronunciation of words.

I am down from thinking about the uncertainty of the future, and it's making me lose my steam. I don't feel sexy and I don't put on pretty underthings.

Earlier in the morning we were watching a show, and he had his feet on me. He was playing with my boobs and grabbing at my piercings with his monkey toes. At one point he grabbed at my ribs and got a chunk of my skin. I gave him a dirty look, feeling uncomfortable about it... for a period of time I'd gained twenty pounds and I still feel weary from it. He assured me to not freak out, it wasn't fat, but just skin. I just got sensitive.

I don't know why these things happen. I feel not like myself. I want Ninja to enjoy my body - how can he if I'm all low-esteemed? Ninja is the harsher critique of people and how they take care of their bodies than myself, so his opinion alone should shut me up.