That Boy is a M-M-M-Monster

A friendly commenter suggested I reconsider my claim in the last post that Ninja never loved me.

They had a fresh point of view, and pointed out that he seemed genuine with me from my depictions of him here. They were right in that I should not be tempted to make him into a monster.

Truly, I am not trying to make him into a monster. There were lovely times, and there were wonderful times. We had plans, we had shared interests. That was, of course, what I fell in love with. I know that he has the potential to be a great person, boyfriend, and husband. He could truly be successful and confident. I have been with him enough to at least know that.

The truth which I was hesitant to share (omg dramaz!!!) was that he is a chronic liar and womanizer. I had my suspicions, I had my paranoia, sometimes I even had it layed out right in front of me with big flashing signs, but I thought that I was just paranoid and that my "love" could fix it otherwise. I thought I could live with it because he never told the truth to my face. I simply wanted to believe his words.

When you lie, the truth will eventually come forward. And it has.

Until some event happens, he will not face what he needs to face in order to grow up and be a healthy person. And because of what I now know, I don't believe he loved me. I hope he cared about me sometimes, as his actions may have suggested, but you could not love someone and do what he has done to me.

As such, it is in my best interests to wash my hands of him. But I don't wish anything bad on him at all. I hope he will rise up one day and not hurt anyone else, but we all have our paths in life and lessons to learn. I had my part in this as well, in being an unhealthy outlet for his behavior.

I didn't want this to turn into a blog about my dramaz, so I've tried not to. I am grateful for what he has taught me, both under the circumstances of our break-up and simply for the good that did exist. (He did inspire me to start this blog, at any rate.)

Believe me, so many people I have spoken to want me to turn into the psycho ex-girlfriend and unleash on his ass. But I just don't think that is going to affect him at all, and it will only take up my energy. I am taking my lessons, and my memories, and I don't regret a thing.