My Palace

I'm apartment hunting, for September. Ninja will be flying back to Texas in a week, leaving me and Architect Roommate to enjoy our apartment for a month and a half before our lease ends. I'm really looking forward to being able to have a place where I can bring people over and chill out and be social.

I have been looking for more roommate-type situations, as they are definitely cheaper. But, I found by chance a 1 bedroom that is only slightly out of my range.. and it has switched me on to having my own, private space. I had a deep fear of loneliness before; I would be depressed, sitting at my desk all day long with no one to talk to, to interact with. More connected to, no one to love me, no one to touch. No one to confide in.

But I made it so long without the security I thought I had, in reality. I was lonely with Ninja, desperate to feel unlonely, so I tried to spend all my time with him. Counterproductive, yes. And now that I am breaking out, I love myself in my free time, and I love going out and hanging out whenever I wish to with whomever I wish to. I don't feel lonely at all.

I can have my own place on my own terms, and enjoy being there. I can walk around naked without fearing a roommate sighting. I can invite people over for drinks, for a night of fun. For something casual, for something serious. It can be my temple, or my festival square.

And it will be MINE. I will not live with a significant other again. I will establish myself as an independent woman, because it feels damn good. I can invite a man inside, yes. But it will be a long time before I share myself again. I think that's a good thing.

I was naiive.