BJ FAIL

I had twenty minutes or so before I had to meet with my friend London to assist in her finding a new apartment. I was pasting cut-out letters in a journal for class while watching Ninja play Total War and dominate Jerusalem when he popped up and said "Forget this computer game, lets snuggle!" I love that boy.

So we layed in bed and the gears started turning, but they jammed a bit. He knew it, of course. I'd arranged myself comfortably on top of him, looking at his face in that way I like to do that is probably rather creepy. "Stop thinking about it and just do it," he coaxed, all-knowing, after informing me that he had a hard-on. "You're making it difficult for yourself."

Okay, okay, my cover is blown so it's now or never! I shimmied down his torso and pushed his hips to the mattress and fumbled with the button on his jeans. Clumsy hands, I muttered he shouldn't be making it difficult for me to get his pants off.

His cock is amazing.

And you know what? HE DIDN'T COME. I can't give good blowjobs anymore, he hasn't finished in forever. I am upset at myself. But I won't lose faith, as long as he wants 'em.

It wasn't all terrible, of course, because after he apparently tired of me working on him, he told me to take my pants off. Off they went and I took him in me, in the slightly-awkward but pleasurable Reverse Cowgirl.

He rubbed my thighs and ass while I enjoyed myself, and warmed me up to a little anal play. We've not gone too far with that - another self-imposed road block, you see. I've got no problem with anal. It turns me on in porn and it gets me off when I fantasize about it, but sensation-wise I've not quite transitioned from the "no, you're not going to shit yourself" feeling. And I'm deathly afraid of fissures and pain. I know, I know, done properly it won't hurt at all. But I don't know 'cause I've never tried more than a handful of experiments with my vibrator.

Ninja's prodded me (hah! pun!) a few times about it but he's never got a condom, which I would prefer, and we've never got lube, which we would need.

Eventually I got a little psyched out and I started hitting the right spot so my LEGS stopped working... I leaned back and he bucked beneath me, it was freaking great. He came shortly thereafter, groaning and twitching. Aaah, I love that.

We cleaned up, I apologized for not getting him off properly, and off I went, late.

No Joke, I'm Really Shy

"You don't touch me," he said quietly. We were in my room, laying in my bed and looking at his laptop. "I'm always grabbing your boobs and loving on you, but you don't hardly touch me."

I was taken aback. What a claim! But - I had to pause. Perhaps not so much a false claim as a true one. I do much more loving-on in my head than real life, that's for sure.

He sounded quite disappointed and his voice had quieted. I rolled my head into his arm. "For claiming to think about it so much you sure don't act on it. Nine times out of ten I'm the one initiating things," he continued. I shriveled up.

"I'm shy," was my only explanation. I am! My thoughts are a universe unto themselves and I'd rather hole it all up and wait for him to assure me he wants me than put myself out on a limb and risk the admittedly small chance of rejection. And even at that rejection is a harsh term.

"It's not like I'd tell you to stop," he rolled his eyes and mocked, "Oh no, stop that Emily, I don't like it when you do that!" I laughed. Okay, okay, he made sense. And hearing myself try to explain things didn't help my case... really, what justification do I have in not making the first move?

There never is justification apart from "I don't want to do something you don't like." I've always been this way in many facets of my life, but I've been getting better, haha. But this here is still a challenge for me.

I've owed him a blowjob for a couple days. I was going to. I was going to. I thought about it all day. Right now? Okay, how about after the movie. Oh wait, he turned away. Maybe in the morning? Again and again I'd find excuses to disappoint myself and find the opportunity missed. Bummer.

So after the discussion last night he mentioned the IOU BJ and I told him if he woke up in the morning that he'd get some head. He shook his head and said that I could just wake him up and do it - once again, not like he'd stop me. And I'm guessing if I love being woken up by his cock, he'd be okay with being woken up with my lips around him. Okay, go for the gold!

...I woke up for class and asked him if he was getting up. He wasn't. My body buzzed. I showered, I shaved, I trimmed. I came back into my room and watched him sleep, all stretched out in my gold sheets and looking like a god.

...And I didn't end up giving him a blowjob. And now I'm all pissed at myself, I really just really want to suck him off. But he's in class and I don't know when I'll see him. What a disappointment I am to myself! And him, the poor boy. He just wants his girlfriend to do what she wants. I want to wait outside his dorm and drag him away with me. I want him bad. I need to go play with myself now.

A Happy Return

So I was so busy in China that I only managed to play around with myself twice. Ninja seemed surprised! I just didn't have the energy and I am not used to doing it in such shared space - though as it were, my second fling happened in the middle of the night, almost motionlessly, the result of some pretty hot thoughts. It was an experiment.

Anyway, Hong Kong and Beijing have hereby been Christianed.

I came home happily to Ninja and have been staying with him every night since. And we have been having some of the. best. sex. ever. No seriously, even masturbating about it has been better than usual, haha!

I've been all jet-lagged and messed up with my sleeping schedule, so I've been sleeping later than usual. It was late morning and I got woken up by him rolling over on top of me, kissing me. He kissed my chest, and I felt his hard-on against my inner thigh, and I opened my eyes to see him looking up at me. My favourite. Melted! Feeling his smooth cock press into me turned me on instantly. As was evident by his slippery entry.

I was on my back with my arms thrown behind me to push against either side of the window (yes, the shade was down) in his dorm room while we made love, and I remember distinctly the quivering of my pussy. Like, you know, almost-orgasmic contractions. The desired and natural reaction to ecstacy! They went away, but it was a pretty sweet add-on to the situation.

Being on top is often the way for we ladies to get our rocks off, so it comes to no surprise that in certain positions of cowgirl I get some paralysingly good feelings. But that's the problem - it makes me unable to move until I get my wits and start rocking again! Pisses me off immensely, but I won't complain too much. Perhaps the best part is seeing him move his hips below me and react in the very same way - he'll close his eyes tightly and his mouth will drop open just a little right when I feel him rub directly against the upper wall of my insides.

I love his reactions so much, I'm pretty sure that's a large part as to why I love giving blowjobs (we saw I Love You, Man last night, I'm hoping he'll never have the same complaint!). It's when he gives me the most feedback, particularly verbal. He'll moan, he'll talk to me a little, he'll grab my hands or pull my hair out of my face, he'll thrust his hips up to push him deeper, and tell me to squeeze his shaft harder. Tell me what you want, baby, and it's done. Especially when he badly wants to come and he'll grunt an order to just fuck him.

We'll cuddle all night, and he'll rest himself on me and tell me that he loves me. I could never get tired of hearing it. Whatever he wants, I want to give it to him. Well, almost. No threesomes.